Everyone has heard of Facebook. My 6 month old niece has 87 selfies on Facebook. Perhaps you are one of the small percentage of people who still love it. Maybe you refuse to participate in the depression-inducing social media site where everyone pretends they have a perfect life. Or most likely, you wish Facebook a slow death, but you keep your account anyways because you have nowhere else to go. You post pictures of your happy family while sitting in a closet eating a whole box of Oreos. (Google knows your secrets. Google knows everything about you. Google sends an advertisement for Mint Double Thick Oreo cookies your way.) While admitting your pain on Facebook is in fashion, sometimes it is neither a good career or relationships move.
Enter ‘IhateyourFace’book, where authentic online personas can finally speak their minds freely and without consequence.
At first Rumpelfemme was skeptical. IhateyourFacebook sounds like a really negative, soul-sucking way to spend more meaningless time staring at your screen. Many hours later, we began to see IhateyourFacebook as a soul-liberating soothsayer, an antidote for the modern dilemma. If you can manage without Facebook, then more power to you. But for everyone else who sees Facebook as a necessacity to keeping in touch with those they love, then IhateyourFacebook is the perfect medicine.
An anonymous daughter who could never bring herself to tell her mother that she is a wretched lunatic can finally be honest under the false alias of a hidden identity. Now she has the inner peace to smile while her Mother posts guilt trips on her Facebook page about not visiting for President’s Day. Rumpelfemme could relate. Literally this entire blog is based on anonymously speaking our truth without consequence.
An ihateyourfacebooker came out publicly about his sister-brother porn addiction.
Commenter: “Oh god. Do you have a sister?”
Reply: “No, thankfully, but there are a lot of girls that I am friends with at work. I really feel like they are sisters to me. Whew. It feels great to finally get that off my chest.”
A poor woman, who of course will not be named, has held her breath in family photos for years. No wonder her face is tinged reddish. She came clean that it is because her husband has fucking atrociously bad breath. She suggests he brush his teeth, double fucking floss, and chug some Listerine (scope just will not cut it) and lay off the garlic and tamari until his personal hygiene matches his spice consumption.
When an anonymous troll commented: How long have you held this inside?
She commented back, “I have been literally holding my breath for years and when Twitter came out I had a nearly uncontrollable urge to shout it to the E-World once and for all. But what if my family or friends read it? It is torture to be a social media user and to have to hide our true thoughts. Ihateyourfacebook has changed everything. I no longer have to keep my thoughts buried deep in my heart to rot and fester. It is real freedom.”
Rumpelfemme 