The Torch of Childhood. To pass or not to pass?

Philosophers, riddle me this? When does childhood officially end and adulthood begin? Is it entirely unfair of us as a society to expect our kids to give up childhood? Ever? Some experts in the Adult-Child Movement, argue that childhood should never be given up but instead integrated. In this first blog post of Rumpelfemme, I interview an expert on keeping childhood alive in the adult psyche. As someone who does not identify as an Adult-Child, I had a lot of questions.

Rumpelfemme: “Do many adults still have the same passions as they had as children?”

Adult-Child Advocate: “It can be subtle, sometimes, but yes every adult is really just a larger version of themselves as children. Take broccoli, for instance. Most adults have been conditioned by society’s insistence on healthy eating to say they like broccoli. But Broccoli is disgusting. We only eat it because we know that not eating it leads to heart disease. However, self-deception also leads to heart disease of a different nature. So an Adult-Child doesn’t mind admitting that he’d rather have Lucky Charm’s cereal for dinner than stupid little green trees.”

I feed my children broccoli all the time. I know they don’ t particularly like it, but they eat it. I ask my four year old to shed some light on this childhood phenomenon of Broccoli Conditioning. Son, do you like broccoli? His answer, not surprisingly, was a firm “No.” When I asked him what Broccoli is like he replied, “Well. Broccoli likes……(long pause) balloons.” That isn’t really what I asked, but still I felt really silly not knowing this.

Rumpelfemme: “Did you know that Broccoli likes balloons?”

Adult-Child Advocate: “That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows Broccoli likes hugs.”

Of course, we do not want our kids to grow up too fast. Shocking findings by an organization called Netmums, found that, “Childhood ends at the tender age of 12… Modern Life is snatching away precious years of childhood….The effect of seeing their children grow up too fast is devastating for parents, with one in five admitting that they are finding it a struggle to accept their child is maturing early. A third say they are battling to keep their child ‘childlike for longer’.

Rumpelfemme: “How can we keep our inner Child alive as an adult?”

Adult-Child Advocate: “Its a choice, just like your sexual preference and the belief in global warming. By choosing to ignore the responsibilities that the adult world is trying to force down our throats, the Adult-Child remains childlike. We have the right to act like children anytime we want. This is America. Don’t be so hard on yourself when you have high expectations of those around you to fulfill your needs for attention. Video games are an age appropriate form of entertainment no matter how old you are. Food is food and this includes cheezewhiz, oreo cookies, take-out pizza, and five hour energy drinks. Remember aspiring Adult-children, you have the right to whine WHENEVER you have to do your fair share of house cleaning.”

I had some more questions, but my guest had put on headphones and was listening to Bill Burr while he played “Starcraft” on a his handheld gaming device, so I turned my questions to his wife who was busy helping two children with their own handheld gaming devices.

Rumpelfemme: “How is it being the wife of an Adult-Child?”

Wife: “Oh its great! I always wanted more children. (Shrill laugh). But really, on a more practical note, I don’t really want to have sex anymore. Giving birth to my two biological children destroyed my vagina which now “Hangs Loose” so since everything my husband does is completely unattractive to me, it works out really well. He has his porn addiction and I get to be a Mom.”

Okay!

To join the Adult-Child Movement simply donate to Adult-ChildMovement.org at GoFundme.com/Adult-Child

Join us next week for another exciting topic… Where Darth Vader and health care combat.